Innocence and guilt

I just had an interesting realisation when I discovered that my son left Skype on when he came to have dinner then forgot about it.  I heard the hanging up sound a couple of hours later while he was on the phone to my mum.  I guess at that point they heard him on the other end then realised it was still connected.  At first I felt a moment of paranoia: "What did they hear? What did I say? Anything embarrassing?"  But then I realised the conversations would have all involved my 11 year old son so they would have had the innocence of a child to them and they would have been fine.

So what is this saying?  Children talk about innocent things, and whatever they say it is acceptable.  It might not all be rational, or of great intellectual significance, but whatever it is it will be safe.  At least that's how I saw myself react completely automatically.

This is also saying that it's entirely possible that if it was me talking then there could be a lot to be embarrassed, or even ashamed of.  Could I have said something people would laugh at?  Something revealing?  Something offensive or unacceptable?  What was it that I was afraid I might have said?

It seems I have an inherent disposition of guilt, and children have one of innocence.  What did I lose that lead me from that pure state to the twisted, shame ridden position of self loathing I seem to default to now?  What has really changed?  Aren't I the same person?  When did it all change?